1. USC 97
If the conventional wisdom holds true that the a team improves most from
its first game to its second, the Buckeyes are in for a world of
hurt. The seemingly infallible Trojan army took the manhood from the Cavalier
soldiers in Charlottesville and, just for good measure, put their best LB in
the infirmary for the remainder of the season. These games are all window dressing
for the big showdown in Palo Alto 11 weeks from now.
2. Arizona
89
Determined not to be caught
cat-napping to start this season, 'Zona racked up more points in their opening
barbecue of Idaho than their first six games combined a year ago.
With the offense on cruise control and the defense likewise unyielding, Mike
Stoops used the second half to comb over his contract, searching for that
"Sabbatical With Pay" clause that his buddy Lute has.
3. Arizona
State 88
Though not as impressive
as their in-state mates to the south, Tempe Normal didn't break a sweat in
dispensing of the JUCO from Flagstaff. While the nation has had their eyes
on the weather brewing in the Bayou Gulf, a severe storm ravaged the
Devils' brand new practice facility rendering it useless for the rest of
the season. The NCAA may not have been able to pin down Erickson yet, but
mother nature brings justice swiftly.
4.
Oregon 87
What is it about those
new Nike shoes that causes severe knee damage to any slinger who suits up for
Whoregon? After Justin Roper limped off as the latest casualty, 18th
string QB Jeremiah Masoli (a transfer who clearly has not fallen under the Curse
of Knight yet) turned a tight contest into a waddle-away for the Quackers.
Couple Masoli with RB Johnson and you have the first All-Jeremiah backfield in
the history of, well, anything.
5. Stanford
83
One of the many attributes of a
blue-collar worker is "not afraid to get dirty." With four personal
fouls (one of which nearly took out the opposing QB), the Card are adopting this
new label and asserting themselves in the ruthless Pac-10 world. After
hearing about the Democratic party's investment in recyclable convention
materials, coach Jim Har-balls requested a few banners to get the "Gerhart for
Heisman" campaign off and running.
6. UCLA
81
After newly indoctrinated signal
caller Kevin Craft had just thrown his fourth pick before halftime, Rose Bowl
denizens must have had a collective flashback to the Notre Shame fiasco.
Craft may have entered the locker room as Mr. Hyde but he reappeared with his
jersey inscribed with the name "Jekyll," as he lead the Baby Blues to an
improbable upset of Team Tang. During the midfield handshake, Slick Rick
asked Phat Phil if he was personally going to deliver the Fulmer Cup, or if he
should just run up to Berkeley and pick it up himself.
7.
kal 80
With nothing to do during the off season in
Strawberry Canyon except stew and mull over the Riley/Longshore controversy,
Teddy Bear finally gave in to the populist vote and started Kevin "Broken
Internal Clock" Riley against the Green Spartans. He must have been both
relieved and irritated that Riley proved to be the right choice, which
simultaneously put Jeff's title of "Genius" in serious doubt. Just to make
absolutely certain he had made the right call, Tedford plugged Longshore in for
a series and, making the most of this sudden vote of confidence, Nate promptly
barfed up a pick-six to let MSU right back in the ball
game.
8. Oregon
State 76
Before their matchup with
Stanford, Mike Riley was bemoaning the fact that his varmint had to open the
season with a conference opponent, and on the road no less. The
Beavernation, disregarding their headman's words, was all giddy that their
opening "cupcake" would have the bonus of yielding a Pac X win. Apparently
that Cardinal-colored pastry was a little hard to swallow and now OSU has their
work gnawed out for them. Was anyone else wondering if Mike Hass had
changed his name to Shane Morales to gain more eligibility?
9. Washington
State 44
OOOWWWWOOOOOOO...welcome
to big time college football Paul Wulff. Fifth-year QB Gary Rogers
diagramed up a whopping 55 yards of offense in the first 30 minutes of game
time, leaving the Coug faithful with only their memories of
Bledsoe-Leaf-Gesser-Brink to keep them warm during those long, cold winters in
the Palouse. The Boot Computer has rearranged many boxes in the virtual
basement to make room for the Apple State schools this season.
10.
Washington 38
Husky Boosters are
calling for a fatwa against The Sheriff of Rottingham after another dismal
performance. Even Goldy-Locker couldn't get things rolling, having his
worst game behind center since his arrival in Montlake. With their next
two contests against ranked opponents in BYU and Oklahoma, we can only wonder if
'Rone will be around long enough for Stanford to stick it to him one more time
before he fades into coaching oblivion.