From The Bootleg Archives
Published 10/15/94
Volume I, Nr. 7
Your Bootleg editors bit the bullet and took on the
oh-so-torturous task of interviewing several current and former
$C Song Girls. They are, as everyone knows, the ultimate fantasy
of every red-blooded American male. Each of the young women
requested anonymity in exchange for providing us with their home
phone numbers (a deal to which we happily agreed)! What did we
learn? Welcome to the school where image really is everything!
First of all, the biggest scoop: They actually have to WEIGH IN
on a weekly basis! How do they get away with a requirement like
that in the '90's? Tell us that rule would make it by our Faculty
Senate! Second, did you realize that those famous U$C sweaters
are individually custom-made for each girl's figure, right down
to 1/8th of an inch!! Yes, they do deliberately design them
so as to show "just the right amount" of bare midriff!
No truth to the rumor that they wear a brand new sweater for
every game ala Jerry Rice & his always new shoes. We asked if
it really takes four hours to get ready for game-day appearances-
Answer: "Oh m' God, no way, like, it only takes,
like, two hours!" (Only two hours?) They do actually put in
an average of 30 hours each week, not counting going out to
dinner with rich $C alums and film producers. Unlike our beloved
Dollies, they are not affiliated with their band
whatsoever. They claim to dance rather than "cheer." In
general, they get one to three movie offers per year, date 8-10
times a month, and prefer water polo players to football players
(those H2O polo guys make out like bandits, don't they?) We tried
very hard to start a little cattiness, but they insisted that
they had nothing but respect for the Stanford Dollies. Bet it
won't surprise you that all of the 1994 Song Girls are registered
Republicans. 92% support lower capital gains taxes. The
other 8% had absolutely no clue what we were talking about.